I’m back with OCD in tow. Yes, I’ve been working on “letting go,” “living in the moment,” etc. But man, it’s hard. The latest and greatest manifestation of all this is pregnancy. Yes, for those of you who don’t know, I am almost 7 months and growing. And it’s awesome. True definition of awesome. (As in “inspiring awe: an overwhelming feeling of reverence, admiration, fear, etc., produced by that which is grand, sublime, extremely powerful, or the like.”) It’s also one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done.
I know that there are many people in the world – maybe even you reading this – who truly “listen” to their bodies. Tired = sleep, pain = slow down/change position/back up a step, etc. Then there are the people like me, who can hear what their bodies are saying, and usually choose to ignore the warnings. But pregnancy has made the selective deafness much more difficult. So while for the past 6+ months I have tried to do everything that I normally do (except run): teach lessons, play shows, write, audition and work, go to shows, visit friends, etc… I finally realize that I can’t. For the first time in my life since infancy, I am napping. With some reluctance, but nonetheless, I am doing it.
So all this brings me to the mantra I would have if I could/would take it in — “slow down” (probably accompanied by “be quiet.”) And how fewer and fewer people seem doing this. And I’ve decided that Twitter is a “master player” of this distraction. Descartes’ famous philosophical statement has been updated to “I tweet, therefore I am.” We are the trees falling in the forest, and are desperate to be heard. But what are we saying? Are we creating the written equivalent of white noise? What would happen if I didn’t know who just had their morning coffee, who has a headache, who just crossed the street…Would I or they be better or worse off for it?
I also find myself judging the “value” of the Twitter. I want to know about a good show someone’s seeing (and do share that info on my Facebook page) but I don’t care about that coffee or the crossing of the street. And again, if no one knows about the street crossing or drinking of the coffee, do we still feel like we’ve done it? Does the value of the act diminish?
You might be asking, “Why then, Jamie, are you blogging?” And the real answer is that I want to be heard, joined and met AND I feel the need to explain it all in more than a line. Simple? Not sure. Easy. Not even. My last blog was August 2008.
So as I slow down in the last few months of my pregnancy, I will write. I will write complete thoughts. I will explore ideas. I will ask for thoughtful feedback. At least that’s my goal.